Seasick Yet Still Docked



Bonnie posing for MozStickerProject assignment (she IS alive)

I've been struggling for the past few days trying to think what the hell to write about. Here is the situation:

1. Morrissey was too sick to continue his tour-all US dates were cancelled as well as his performance in Mexico City.

2. Morrissey appeared in an interview on a Mexican radio show in which he explained how very disappointed he was and how he was "cautioned" not to perform anymore.

3. He was photographed at an Irish football game with his cousin Robbie Keane.

4. It was announced on True-To-You that Morrissey will be performing in seven Mexican cities in June and in Argentina, Brazil, Peru, and Chile in July.
5. The Hollywood High show is going to be released on DVD.

So, that's Morrissey news for the past few weeks or so. Of course, it was heart-breaking when he had to cancel the rest of the tour. We were so set for Las Vegas, but I think most fans were understanding of the health problem. We would not want Morrissey to do something that would make him feel worse down the road or cause a more serious issue. 

And to tell you the truth, I think he felt horribly about it. On his website, he left the following message:

"It takes a lifetime to find the right words, and at the moment I haven't got them. I've been a colossal pain where this continuously unpredictable illness is concerned, and now the physical limits have been reached.The tour had, in fact, been fantastic for all of us-a new slice of life full of concentrated power. The audiences everywhere have given so much, although I know that neither of us will ever receive our due. I hope this isn't the end and I hope there will be other chances minus the heavy burden of illness.Knots of grief today, but full of resolve for tomorrow." Morrissey, March 16, Mexico

Something to look forward to

At this moment, I am happy he is planning to tour again yet sad that its not as likely that I will be able to see him unless one of the cities he plays is Tijuana.

I have lots of things going on in my home life at the moment. Raising two teenagers and a nine year old is a challenge, teaching is a challenge, and I don't have time for any more challenges. Part of my fascination with Morrissey probably is a means of mental escape. But not all of it. And now that I am not planning to see him currently, it forces me to look at these things more closely. And I don't want to, to be truthful.

I suppose a positive to come out of this is that, to me at least, it seems like the Twitterdilly friendships are strengthening through Twitter (duh) and MorrisseysWorldChat. Its a wierd time trying to transition from the news over the month and adjust our minds.

Like many other fans, I find myself keeping occupied by attending Smiths/Morrissey-related events. This I shall do, and write about as it seems fit. (Truely my life IS without Morrissey at the moment!)


On a side note, probably the best thing that I heard at school all week was a student who said, "Ms. Willoughby, I bought my first Smiths album. Its the one with 'There is a Light That Never Goes Out'."


Ah, to fall in love again!

Memories:

 

 

 

 

 

Always True Part 2: Hollywood High School

Morrissey in the shadows of Hollywood High

Something unusual happened to me Saturday morning. I can only compare the feeling to that which you might feel after you've gone out on a date and you had such a good time you KNOW you are going out again. And you can't wait. You wake up smiling, eager for what the day will bring. In my case I KNEW I was going to see Morrissey again.

The sun was shining quite literally, and figuratively.

I just felt like crap. 

Perhaps it was excitement from the night before, perhaps it was dehydration, perhaps there was something extra in the beer I had at The Staples Center. Perhaps it was because I'm approaching fifty. I don't know but it was tough to get out of bed. 

My mom babysat for us since Roland was coming to this gig. He is not as big a fan but he knew this was going to be a great show and he was excited as well. Besides, we got to go out together which isn't so common. Before we left he said, "You are in charge since you seem to know how to have more fun than I've ever had at a concert." I have said in the past that Roland is much nicer than I am. He is a perpetual rule follower. In pop music terms he is the Paul McCartney and I am the John Lennon in the relationship. So that was a big step for him.

Luckily, Jasmine (@Morrizzy) and Johnny (@johnnyinacoma) arrived at Hollywood High early since the seating was either orchestra (pit) or balcony (upstairs). Other than that, there was no assigned seating so it was important to get a good spot in line, therefore a good seat in the venue. They held us a place in line with Angie (@vulgermkala) and @jimi_james and his nine year old son, Devan. 

The drive to Hollywood was far less crazy than I thought it would be, so we arrived around 5:45. We thought that the earliest we would be able to get our tickets from Will Call would be 6. But such was not the case. We were in line for a few hours. It was in line we discovered that the event was being shot for a DVD release possibly. 

We entertained ourselves in line with our enthusiasm. Of course, this was the first time I had met Angie or @jim_james. I felt a little shy as I always do when I first meet people but both Angie and @jimi_james were fun and easy to talk to, as you may recall, Angie was the one who gave Moz the ring from The Blue Rose Society. She also has a lot of Morrissey tattoos and whenever a photographer came by she said, "Morrissey tattoos right here." So, as you could imagine, Angie was not hard to talk to. She is what they call the life of the party. Devan (nine year old) was extremely excited since he had been at the Staples Center on Friday and was eager to see Morrissey yet again-this time he knew he'd be closer.

After a quick pizza at a nearby pizza place, the line began to move. The line outside Hollywood High now stretched at least three blocks. Here is a picture of us with a balloon we wrote on as members of the Blue Rose Society. 

While in line, we saw a young girl who was about sixteen but she was as tall as my nine-year old son, Oliver. She was carrying a portrait of Morrissey she had drawn herself and wanted desperately to give it to him. She had been waiting in line since noon but security would not let her in because her grandfather had purchased her ticket and you could not get in if you did not have the ID and credit card that was used to purchase tickets. This poor girl was crying so sadly trying to get her grandfather to come and help her out. I felt so badly and could not think of any way I could have helped her. Perhaps I could have given her my ticket, but she ended up getting in after her grandfather came to clear the ticket with will call.

Me, Jasmine, Angie, James and Devan

I had decided to try and bring my digital SLR camera into the show. I had wrapped it into my sweater and put it in my bag along with two lenses. The one on the camera was a telephoto lens. I figured the worse that could happen would be that I would have to walk the camera back into the car which was parked nearby. 

When we got to the bag check I ended up having to come clean with security after she asked me to shake my sweater out. I just said, "I can't do that because it will break my camera. I was just trying to keep it safe here."

She said, "It isn't exactly a point and shoot camera."

They ended up letting me take the camera in after all though since I think they just couldn't be bothered trying to figure out how to get me back in with a huge line and some anxious people. "Just don't take it out," they said. Sorry but asking me not to take pictures of Morrissey is like asking a fat kid with a jar of cookies not to have any.

Jasmine and Angie were working on getting into the orchestra section even though they had balcony like me. I know they would have taken me with them in but Roland was in the balcony and the last time he went with me in San Diego I basically left him on his own while I got into the pit. I just thought it might be bad form to just invite him along and leave him, plus I had my camera and I wanted to take pictures since I had such a great view from my balcony seat.

I oddly did not envy Jasmine and Angie once they got in and waved from the pit up to me. I waved and just was grateful for the ability to sit in a seat and still see well. 

Kristeen

Kristeen Young is the opening act. I think she has an amazing voice, fashion sense and artistic integrity. I enjoyed her performance as I usually do and I think playing in a smaller venue was good for her. It felt like it was pretty supportive. You have to bear in mind the enormity of her task. She has to entertain people who are basically not there to see her. I've said before that she is kind of a cross between Kate Bush and Bjork. Very different and esoteric.

Then it was time for Morrissey-almost. Russell Brand was in charge of the introduction and eloquently said he was there for the same reason that we all were-because he is a big fan. Also he basically said that there are no stars like him. He's like a Garbo or a Bette Davis. He also referred to him as Lord Mudslide before Moz came out. 

I can't probably effectively convey the contrast between the show at The Staples Center and compare it to the intimacy of the gig at Hollywood High. It felt like we were a closer family. I felt like people were just so happy to see Morrissey and see him feeling well and happy that that happiness infected the entire audience. We knew this was a special night. 

Here is the set list: 
Alma Matters
Ouija Board, Ouija Board
Irish Blood, English Heart
You Have Killed Me
November Spawned a Monster
Malajusted
You're the One For Me, Fatty
Still Ill
People Are the Same Everywhere
Speedway
Asleep (a capella during Speedway)
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore
Meat is Murder
Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
To Give (The Reason I Live)
Everyday is Like Sunday
I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
Action Is My Middle Name
Let Me Kiss You
Encore:
The Boy With the Thorn in His Side

Mic Whipping

There was not a bad seat in the house. We could all see Morrissey's expressions and the musical skills of the band. I guess you could say it was like we were at Russell's house in the living room-just a bit bigger than that and with some great lighting. You could not get such a great view in a larger venue like the Staples Center unless you were hung from the ceiling to almost eye level with the band. I would not recommend that! 

At one point he asked, "Where are we all going after this?" Someone yelled, "The Cat and Fiddle!" I know full well everyone there and their dog probably showed up there. Except Morrissey. 

He saw Devan in the audience sitting on his dad's shoulders and asked him his name. "Devan."
"Kevin?"
"Devan."
"David?"
Security: "Devan."

I doubt I can adequately give the night justice but I can say that I was in heaven. Taking "illegal" pictures and singing along WITH Morrissey to his songs. I felt like he put his heart and soul into every line.Many people will find this hard to accept, but Morrissey exuded happiness and positivism. I know the media like to refer to him as "the pope of mope" blah blah blah, but if you are a true fan you most likely see the other side- his humor and wit.

When "Meat is Murder" came up and the video of "Meet Your Meat" I looked around to see what people were doing. A lot of people were still standing and some of course looked down. I do! I don't eat meat so I feel okay with that.
 However, I think just by looking around that some people in the audience were moved by it and were really paying attention to the suffering we put animals through. If you can't look you MUST know that there is something wrong with it. It is an incredibly powerful song that has changed many lives-mostly the lives of animals!

Meat is Murder

The encore was "The Boy With the Thorn in His Side." During this song, Morrissey picked up Devan from the crowd, took him by the hand to one end of the stage and carried him back to his dad. I think this had to be amazingly special to him and his dad, a Blue Rose Society member and big time fan. I got the impression that attending Morrissey concerts with dad was kind of a rite of passage. He looked a bit shocked and shy but happy. Of course this was amid Oohs and Aaahs from the audience. It just solidified the love between Morrissey and his fans. Again, it was this feeling that nobody understand us but we get it. We get what Morrissey is about.( Well, at least we think we do).

Moz and Devan

Just as the previous night had ended, we parted ways with our friends without too much of a good-bye and made our way to our car. No, we did not end up at the Cat and Fiddle. We hit the freeway and went back to the OC and quite eagerly tucked ourselves in bed. 

Next show: Las Vegas, April 20.

On a side note: Morrissey had to postpone a show in San Francisco due to his illness. Hoping he gets well soon! 

More Pictures from Hollywood High

Always True Part 1: Staples Center

Morrissey Listening to Words of Love and Loyalty

The life of a rock star is tough, especially if you are NOT a rock star.

 What a weekend! It began at the Staples Center in Los Angeles (or Moz Angeles as they say), and ended Saturday night at Hollywood High in the auditorium. I have spent Sunday and part of today, Monday, recovering from the excitement and the exertion from all of it.

I found school quite difficult to live through on Friday. Don't get me wrong. Despite complaining a bit I love my students. And since I have thus far failed at becoming a writer, I feel like teaching is the next best thing. Still, the golden lights of the performance world sometimes lures us into the night life. Thus, was my passion on Friday.

The Drive

I was on the freeway singing to Patti Smith (Horses) at 4:30 and arrived around 6 at the Staples Center which is pretty good for a Friday night. I parked the car, and quickly found my friend Jasmine (@Morrizzy) waiting first in line. I realized my dozen of red roses was not going to make it into the venue so I quickly wrapped them into my Smiths sweater after decimating the stems. If you did not know, the roses were for Morrissey. I feel naked if I don't have at least one to bring with me to his performances. Of course, blue roses would have been better (Blue Rose Society) but they are not easy to get last minute and hey, red is better than dead!

Arrival

We quickly made our way to be first in line on the floor level. I just wanted to know what my seat was like. I had floor seating but it was not at the very front so I was just curious. As we waited we could hear the sound check and it was "How Soon is Now?" which made my excitement even more palpable. Once the security let us in, I found my seat which was pretty far back and I realized that after people filled in the floor, it would not be easy to see anything. There was a security check for the Floor 1, which was just in front of my section. I just thought I'd have to give it time. I sat there contemplating things with my heart racing with excitement and realized I should get a beer. What the hell!

Merchandise

After getting my beer I ran into Johnny (@johnnyinacoma) and Mauricio (I don't know his Twitter name-which is kind of ironic). We looked over the merchandise and I ended up getting a shirt with Morrissey and the cat on his head on a stamp. Then also, I purchased a Morrissey bracelet. 

 Johnny, Mauricio, and I decided to walk around just to get a feel for what was going on and we stopped again for a beer. It was then I realized that I did not have my ticket. I could easily envision someone wandering into my section on the floor seating. Grrr. But following Johnny and Mauricio's advice I asked security person who eventually located my lost ticket. That was a huge relief. Security had found it on the floor! I was very grateful.

Go Veggie

Also, it was a huge night for PETA people and other animal rights advocates as The Staples Center was meat-free as per Morrissey's request. I heard that there were some vendors upstairs selling food with meat but McDonald's was closed and that in itself was HUGE. Morrissey scored BIG points this weekend!!

The Performances

I met some Morrissey fans I had not met before including Roy's Keith (FB) and then we went in since Patti was up. I ran into the K/Crystals in my section about two rows ahead of me. We said hi and it was then that I heard Patti begin her set. I couldn't believe how close she was and how few people were at the stage. I quickly said, "See you later," and made a bee line to the stage forgetting, ignoring, and passing security. I was up at the stage. I was so excited, I waved to Patti and she waved back!!! I was over the moon. I can't even begin to put words into how much I admire Patti Smith. I read a book she wrote (Just Kids) about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe (photographer) and her voice is still with me. I just could NOT believe it!

I like the way Patti takes a swig of water and spits it out on the stage. Its just so punk rock! 

I was actually losing my ability to breathe! I kept smiling looking around, really relishing the time. I cannot find her set list so I apologize but I sang along to "Because the Night" (which was dedicated to Fred "Sonic" Smith on what would have been their anniversary), "People Have the Power," and "Gloria" among many others. Perhaps I looked the fool to her but I was over the moon! 

Quietly, ever so quietly, I began to realize that I had done a difficult thing in such an easy way. Security began to slowly move people to either side of Patti at the rail and it was then I lost my key spot, dead center. It sucked because we (the people in the audience and near the stage), were just singing our hearts out and all of a sudden her audience is being parted like Moses parted the Red Sea. She was brilliant but all I remember of her departing song was trying to hang onto my great spot at the front rail.

Then security began to check for pink bracelets which meant you were in the first few rows. If you did not have a bracelet, they told you to go back in a rather rude manner. Afraid they'd ask to see my ticket, I tried to hide. I made temporary friends with a German lady named Anita and a rockabilly guy and his girlfriend who complemented my style. In fact, they told me they'd hide me from security, and they tried but a gruff woman basically pushed me back where I joined the other people who had "illegally" entered the border of Section 1. 

While the music videos of various artists such as Nico, Shocking Blue and the New York Dolls were playing, I moved to the far right side of the stage (my right) and sat in an empty seat about two rows from the front. I bided my time until the lights went out and Morrissey and his band appeared. Then I somewhat clumsily climbed over chairs to get to the rail finally losing my balance on the last one, but regained my footing just in time for the first song.

 Here is the set list:

"Shoplifters of the World" 

"Irish Blood, English Heart"

"Alma Matters"

"You Have Killed Me"

"You're the One for Me, Fatty"

"Action is My Middle Name"

"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore"

"I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris"

"Speedway"

"Meat is Murder"

"Ouija Board, Ouija Board"

"November Spawned a Monster"

"To Give (the Reason I Live)" Frankie Valli Cover

"How Soon is Now?"

"Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want"

"Everyday is Like Sunday"

"Let Me Kiss You"

"First of the Gang to Die"

Encore:

"The Boy with the Thorn in His Side"

Hand in (Latex) Glove

I had a dozen red roses with me in the hopes that Morrissey would take one. I had this idea of wearing a blue latex glove on the hand that passed him the rose. Its kind of lame but it was meant to make him notice my hand among the sea of hands grasping for him in the shadows. I also thought that it kind of went with Morrissey's illness theme. But the chasm between the stage and the rail was simply too wide and I was so far on the side near the PA or some large speaker-type thing that I could not reach him. Nor could he reach me or anyone else. The "hand in glove" made no difference. In an attempt at a humorous gesture, I simply put the rose in my teeth and smiled up at him, reaching into the air below him. 

Blue Rose Society Gives Morrissey THE RING!

The highlight for me was when Morrissey gave my friends Jasmine and Angie (who I had not yet met) the mic. She said, "In honor of The Blue Rose Society will you accept this gift?" Morrissey said yes. They gave him a ring that has been traveling around via other Blue Rose Society members. He then asked for the flowers which Jasmine had smuggled in but were now dead. Thinking quickly she handed him her blue rose hair clip. Bear in mind, I could only hear what was going on as could 20,000 people. I just was on the other side of the stage. As soon as "November Spawned a Monster" began Morrissey began tossing Jasmine's blue rose clip in the air to the beat of the music.

During the concert as I faced the excitement of the stage, I looked out among the thousands of people, everyone-even the ones up in the "rafters." I thought that they must have been wondering what it was like to be so close to the stage. I certainly felt lucky! I felt sorry for the folk who didn't get the sensation of feeling like their skin was falling off until all that was left was a skeleton from pure joy and elation.

Morrissey's voice was amazing, stronger than ever, which did not surprise me. He was looking well-not like one who had some serious medical issues for the past few weeks. One fan asked him how he was and he said, "Okay."

 Another thanked him for keeping us sane. He said, "Thank you for keeping me sane."

The chasm between the stage and the floor was so wide, only one guy made it up on the stage. 

The concert went by so fast, and every song was one I loudly sang along with, as did so many people in the arena. It was actually a bit of a communal experience. Everyone around me was pretty cordial and I surely hope the guy in front of me at the rail knew that I did not intentionally repeatedly touch his butt.

I saw a throng of people screaming and gathering around a section as we departed. I heard someone say that it was Quentin Tarentino. I've mentioned my inability to recognize famous people before. I guess I may have known it was him though since he reportedly was wearing an Inglorious Bastards jacket. Wonder if he'll include any Morrissey songs in a film. 

The After Party

I met the K/Crystals by the restroom and we attempted to meet the band as they had done last year in San Diego. Yes, I felt like a stalker. It was kind of awkward but we had fun. Then I grabbed what was left of my roses in one hand and a stick (for protection) in the other and walked to my car. So, yeah, our after party was kind of "high school" but I had more fun than if we'd gone to a bar-although the C/Krystals did end up going to Mal's Bar where Jose (Maldonado) was spinning some records. 

Concert friends are kind of funny because we hang out and experience this great thing together or simply at the same time and then once the concert is over we just leave. Sometimes you don't even say good-bye. But by saying that, I'm not complaining! It simplifies things. You are there for the same reason and its really about the music in the end, isn't it?

I had a long drive home but was filled with excitement for the concert on Saturday. 

Part 2 will be posted soon. Sorry for such a long blog but it was a MEGA MOZ weekend. So much to tell. Also, apart from the Patti Smith photos, they are from my collection I took on Saturday, March 3 at Hollywood High.

Also, for a full explanation and account of The Blue Rose Society, please visit www.followingthemozziah.blogspot.com.

How Soon is Now?

Jose Maldonado spinning and "reeling round the fountain"

There's a Club and You'd Like to Go

Sunday night I had this strange desire to go out. Perhaps I was inspired in the knowledge that Morrissey is in Los Angeles recovering from his ulcer and Barrett's Esophagus  Now, I have been married for nearly ten years and I can honestly say that during these ten years I have never really wished to go to a club. I love going to see bands, you probably know this (one particular singer as well), but I'm a late bloomer. I didn't even get married until the age of thirty-eight. Up until that time I went out every single weekend. So as far as clubs, it just doesn't usually appeal to me. However, I heard about a Smiths/Morrissey night at The Echo in Hollywood and I thought it might be a fun place for me to go. I mean, Jose Maldonado, who is the singer of The Smiths tribute band, Sweet and Tender Hooligans was the DJ. He also hosts the Indie103 radio show, Breakfast with The Smiths. Who better?

 I wanted dance to "Sing Your Life," which I kept playing over and over again in my mini van as I dropped kids off to school and swim practice. Even better, when at the club, I would be with other Morrissey fans rather than sarcastic kids rolling their eyes when I attach my iphone to the car speakers. "Morrissey? Again?"

The seed of attending began to sprout in my brain and I recalled an evening in which Roland and I tried to go to a bar where Jose was spinning records one night months ago and it was in downtown Los Angeles. I know, I probably watch too many crime shows and documentaries so Roland was not at all surprised at my observations about that part of town. It was seemingly desolate except for the club, and I noted that there were many convenient dumpsters in hidden alleyways. "Convenient" for dumping bodies.

I tweeted this fact to Jose and he suggested having security escort me from the parking lot if I was too fearful. You see, Roland has even less interest in clubs than I do and before I could even suggest it, he fell asleep.Therefore, I was devoid of a male escort. I wasn't sure if it was a great idea to go after all. I planned to leave at 10, giving me plenty of time to get to Hollywood from the OC.

You Can Meet Somebody Who . . .
There is the imaginary barrier dividing the the OC from Los Angeles which I call (and many others) the Orange Curtain. We (Orange County people) have realistic and unrealistic fears of "the big city." For example, once not too long ago I was sucked into a conversation with a man wearing a Spiderman costume showing me random pictures of dogs he encountered and  mumbled "Kill, kill, kill" under his breath. Its a little unsettling to most of us suburban dwellers.

I have also seen Jesus just outside the Comedy Club on Sunset and believe me, Jesus would not hang out in the OC!

So You Go
Since my husband was asleep and two of the kids, I figured no one would especially notice my departure, except Jovanny, who was very excited for me. So I put on some make up so it would look like I went to some trouble to get ready, but most clubs are dark caverns anyway, so I figured if I didn't look like a supermodel, no one would notice.

Having been brought up Catholic, and therefore born with a guilty conscience, I wrote a  note to Roland and stuck it to the bathroom mirror letting him know where I was when he woke up (if he were confused).

My note of guilty conscience

The ride to Los Angeles was joyous as it was empty and devoid of anyone except for me so I blared "Sing Your Life" and "My Love Life." I could have driven clear to San Francisco.

I discovered when I arrived that The Echo was not the scary, desolate place I had confused with the bar in downtown LA, so no security person was required as an escort.

And You Stand on Your Own

After I paid the $10 to get in, I ordered a drink and then wandered around. It was pretty large and  as I walked in Jose was playing "How Soon is Now," a little later he played "Sing Your Life" which had me on the dance floor. I got some photos of Jose and some of the patrons. I tried to find people who had tried to look like Morrissey and I found some but the pictures didn't come out so well since it was so dark and the flash is too strong. It tends to blind people.

Dancing to The Smiths

Lounging Smiths/Morrissey Fans

I felt kind of shy so I didn't particularly speak to anyone. I also knew that I'd be leaving soon. If I had a group of friends there, I might stay longer but I did not have the energy to meet people for the first time. 

But there were quite a few people on the dance floor and the music was of course, great since it was music I love. Jose interspersed Morrissey and Smiths songs with other great 80s (and perhaps some 90s) music-like Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life." Jose doesn't just spin records, he also dances which is fun to watch as it reminds me of spinning records in my own living room when no one was home as a teenager. Honestly, I don't get out much so if every DJ dances around, then I suppose I should not be surprised.

I wanted my picture with a Morrissey cut out but the people in charge would not let me take a picture with my own camera. So they offered to take a picture of me with the 2 dimensional Morrissey but I have no idea how the picture came out or where it may appear some day.

More spinning

And You Leave on Your Own
After getting enough pictures, I left. It takes about 35 minutes on the freeway to get home with no traffic.

I know it sounds anti-climatic and boring if you are a night owl to be home by 12:30, but I had a good time and I would definitely go again, but I would bring a friend or else be in a more outgoing mood. Sometimes I worry that being out going could be confused with flirting and that might be embarrassing for someone.

And You Go Home
When I arrived the house was dark and Roland was still asleep in his clothes with his contacts in as I had left him-obviously he had never even wakened!

Jose Maldonado is the host of Breakfast with The Smiths which airs Sunday mornings and Wednesday mornings on Indie 103. He also spins records occasionally in clubs like The Echo in the LA area. If you have the chance to see The Sweet and Tender Hooligans you should go, they are amazing and its always a good night out!!

These Things Take Time

Me singing into a CLEAN toilet brush 1990, Dublin (most likely singing to The Smiths)

So, I went to Chicago last week. I took Thursday and Friday off, and went to stay with my friend Alicia-who I lived with in Ireland all those many years ago-and little did I know that the gig was postponed until I landed at Chicago O'Hare.

Yes, it was cold. My desert skin felt it. Perhaps it sensed my impending doom:

As you know, Morrissey had to postpone the Chicago gig set for Saturday and also had to cancel the Flint, Michigan gig he was due to perform at on Thursday evening because of  a bleeding ulcer and other ailements.

Alicia 1990 (probably singing to American Music Club or REM)

I didn't mind. I haven't seen Alicia in at least a year and even then it was a brief dinner with us here while she was interveiwing for jobs. I think she was actually relieved that there was no gig. She needed a night off from her hectic existence. She is completing a new book, teaching writing at a university, taking care of a four-year-old and a two-year old and maintaining a relationship with her partner. Whew!! Needless to say, she was glad to have someone else there to lend a helping hand.

Alicia now

I met Alicia over twenty years ago in a small office at the University of London, Senate House where we were oddly placed in the same place. I remember filing things my first day and her first question was, "What do you want to do?" (meaning with your life probably) and my answer was to be a writer. Her answer was the same and unlike me she actually became a writer. Alicia had her first novel made into a movie called "Towelhead," directed by Alan Ball, several years ago.

I won't say what became of me except you might gather what happened given that Alicia's writing novels and memoirs and here I am writing a measly blog that I hope somebody in the universe reads!

But nevermind, being with Alicia is strange because I just slip into our relationship which basically picks up where it ended a year ago and several years before that. I think this may be because we had such an intense experience when we moved to Ireland after we met in London.  It is not adivsable to live in Dublin, Ireland with virtually no money or decent job prospects in the early 90s. People thought we were crazy. If only I'd been given a penny for every time someone asked, "What are you doing looking for work here? My brothers and cousins left here to find work in America."  Yet, we were determined to make it work. It was a tragi-comedy if there ever was one.

It sounds kind of selfish to say it was fine for me not to attend the concert, but  poor old Moz was lying around in a hospital having tubes shoved down his throat and having all manner of tests done. There was nothing I could realistically do for him and I had to make the most of it.

Me and Anne (do you like my hat?)

I have another friend who lives in Rockford, just out of Chicago. Her name is Anne and she also teaches college-although she has been on medical leave for a while now. Anne is originally from Taiwan and we became pen pals when we were sixteen. Since that time, Anne has been married and had a son who is now fourteen and she has a new man in her life at this point. I was lucky enough to be able to have lunch with them.

All in all, my trip to Chicago was somewhat simplified by NOT seeing Morrissey. It would have been great, and I was a bit sorry, but it simply gave me time. Just time that I could never have if I had not dreamed of seeing Morrissey perform.

So, not long after I arrived back here in Cali, Morrissey issued a statement:

The reports of my death have been greatly understated. Once admitted to the William Beaumont Hospital at Royal Oak in Michigan, I received treatment for concussion, a bleeding ulcer, and Barrett's esophagus. The positive from all of this is that there are now no known ailments left for me to try.

I am fully determined to resume the tour on February 9 at the Chelsea Ballroom in Las Vegas. If there's an audience of any kind in attendance, I just might die with a smile on my face, after all. If I am not there, I shall probably never again be anywhere.

Equally, I am determined to play Flint (Michigan) if it kills me (which, on the face of it, it almost has.)

Thank you to everyone present at both Brooklyn (New York) and Melbourne (Australia) during recent weeks for two of the best nights of what might charitably be termed my "career". My debt to you will outlive time itself.

pause at my headstone,

MORRISSEY

31 January 2013.

With the mention of Morrissey playing in Las Vegas the old rusty wheels in the brain started spinning and suddenly Roland and I were planning a much deserved weekend getaway to Las Vegas. 

Yet, just yesterday afternoon, we learned that due to doctor's orders Morrissey cannot play Las Vegas this weekend. 

Okay, I'm disappointed. Truly. But Roland and I are still going to Las Vegas. It doesn't mean we can't get away and spend some quality time together. We will attend some other show and return to Las Vegas when Morrissey reschedules. Why not make the most of it?

I swear,  I am one of the most sarcastic people you'll ever meet. Pollyanna is not my name by a long shot. I rarely see the silver lining. But I feel like in some ways the journey to see Morrissey has allowed me to spend some much-needed time with important people in my life. Had I not planned on going to his concerts, I would not have created the opportunity to make these plans. 

Also, when I think about how Morrissey must feel, I think he must be just as disappointed. Very few people in existence know the stress of having to let down so many people-to have so many expecting something that you cannot deliver. It has to be frustrating for him. And stressful. But I think with his medical issue, the best thing is to give it TIME.

It seems inappropriate to thank Morrissey for getting sick so I won't but making plans and not being able to follow through has turned out to have created some great memories.

Gone From This Unhappy Planet

On Saturday morning I found out that my Aunt Kim, who has been battling cancer, passed away. Its weird that when we think of death, we think it comes suddenly. Sort of like disappearing. But I had the distinct impression after speaking with my uncle on Friday night, that death comes slowly. Like a process. It isn't simple and is not something necessarily pretty or graceful.

I suppose when you really think about it, we are in a constant process of dying. Like a dog constantly barking. Annoying and always there in the background and one day you finally hear it and notice it.

When I think of Kim, I think of her as a lively person who laughed at herself for always befriending weirdos. She said it and it was true that people who were odd balls or the type of people you'd go out of your way to avoid eye contact with, she didn't mind talking to. She said she minded and would roll her eyes, that kind of thing, but I think deep down she was entertained by the odd ones. She took an interest. I consider that kind of interest brave because I always feared speaking to really odd people.

When I was younger, I would spend part of my summer vacation in San Diego or Oceanside to visit her and my Uncle Rick. Rick is my mom's brother. So Kim is related to me by marriage.Often Rick was working so my cousins and I would take the train down from the OC and Kim was the one who was there looking after us while Uncle Rick worked.

She had three children. She took good care of them. And then one day she left my Uncle Ricky.The reasons why don't really matter right now. But she left for a long time.

Fourteen years later, she came back and my uncle was there for her. They had such a short time before they found out about the cancer. They stayed positive and fought it.

But they could not beat it.

When I think of Kim, I think of days on the beach and us laughing at my constant ability to sun burn so easily and my inability to catch a decent wave. But sometimes its just the trying that counts. Not whether or not you achieve something.

The Table is Rumbling . . .

 

Bobby the Cat

 Life has been interestingly boring-if that is at all possible. As ever, I find myself in the role of what the modern era has termed the "Super Mom." Amazingly, I recall having a conversation with Roland just before I found out I was pregnant with Oliver in which we lamented the fact that we were admittedly too selfish to have children. Therefore, we thought a perfect family included us and a few furry friends. Ha ha. Fate is hilarious, isn't it? Here I sit writing this with a few furry friends and three children.

 

Yes, the joke is on me.

 

Then, of course, as we age, so do our parents. As our parents age, our responsabilities to them increase. Well, perhaps some of that depends on your relationship with your parents.

 

Morrissey seems to have a great relationship with his mum. As most Morrissey fans know, he actually postponed part of his U.S. tour to be with his mum as she recovered from something she was hospitalized for. Like many who love Moz, I was sad that I did not get to see him when I thought I would, but I still get to see him perform and at least he is good enough to understand that some things are more important than money and fame.

 

On the other hand, from what I have read, Morrissey is not as close to his dad. And in this, I have something in common with dear Morrissey. In fact, there are probably many who have a similar kind of relationship with their fathers.

 

That's all well and good when you and your parents are younger. But what happens when they age and its just no use holding a grudge? How far should your loyalties go to a shitty parent?

 

This is a question I am faced with on a daily basis:

 

I was never close to my dad. He was a raging alcoholic and because of his drinking and smoking when he was younger, he developed mouth, throat and lymphatic cancer many years ago. I was living in Dublin, Ireland when we found out he had a 30% chance of surviving and because of that and because job prospects were pretty dismal in 1990, I left Ireland and came back home to California.

 

He survived, but lost the ability to eat properly. Because of all the radiation and the chemo he lost the ability to swallow. Therefore, he eats through a tube. He has had many surgeries and skin grafts so he does not even look anything like he used to.

 

Now, he has trouble walking-he shuffles and he lives on his own in a trailer park for elderly people with a cat named Bobby (see picture above).

 

Bobby has recently had a slew of health problems and I helped my dad out by paying for some of Bobby's treatment. But now my dad has gotten into debt in order to pay for Bobby's vet bills.

 

I don't want to bore you with all the details of how much driving around I do for my dad or the fact that he never calls except when he wants something. But, I guess if you are going to go into debt, let it be to keep your animal companions alive. It would have been cheaper for him to put Bobby down, but he saw the unfairness in that.

 

I did not mean to write so much about my situation, but let me just question about how much is too much or too little to give an old person when they have sucked as a parent? How much do you forgive so that you can go on with your own life with no regrets?

 Watching them thrash around in their old age is like watching animals hanging from a meat hook in an abittoir. There is no joy or satisfaction in that.

 

I had hoped to have written something more uplifting after not having written in so long, but perhaps it gives you some insight as to part of the reason I have not written.

 

Ah well, it makes me look forward to seeing Morrissey in Chicago and LA even more.