Ch-Ch-Changes



The Idea
I suppose there is something you should know about me: my oldest son, Jovanny, is an aspiring drag queen.

Now, Jovanny really does have talent. He is eager to share that talent. In fact,  he's been asking for some time if he could do my make up like a drag queen and kind of be a stylist and send me out dressed "to kill."

Since there was a David Bowie Night coming up, we thought it might be a good time to actually do this. Why? We just thought that it might be okay to be a little more daring with clothing and make up since David Bowie is rather experimental himself. 

When kids are in preschool, parents often wear their children's artistic creations-I know I often wore Oliver's macaroni jewelry to work or out to the supermarket, with pride. Well, dressing up like a drag queen was kind of like that for me regarding Jovanny. 

The Preparations
Luckily we had good opprotunity to do any shopping and other necessary preparations since Roland took Oliver and Miguel camping for the week. We also needed time to spend together. Relationships with teens can be tumultuous at times and this was a great way to bridge some understanding.

We first needed to find an outfit that would be daring enough. I told Jovanny that I was willing to look "slutty"- I mean, what the hell, if you are going to do it, why not do it all the way? Well, Jovanny did not disappoint.

However, shopping for revealing clothing requires a different mind set. Instead of looking for cute and comfortable and items that go together, you are forced to look for clothing that simply shows the most skin or is tight enough. Or you might choose a fabric that says "wild" like cheetah print-which is what we chose.

Next, you must have high heels. Now, I am already 5'10" so an extra 4-5 inches makes me a "towering" woman. I NEVER wear high heels so balance (ha ha) is important. I, therefore, needed to practice walking around in these heels. I did so, but I think I needed a bit more practice time.

The finished "product"

Bowie Night
The evening of Bowie night, we spent an hour or so getting the entire outfit together. I was in the bathroom putting on the final touches. When I emerged from the restroom wearing a very tight, lacy cheetah print dress, Roland burst out laughing. No, don't worry. My pride was not damaged. He said he could NOT think of anything less me than cheetah print. He said, "Its very sexy, but wow."

I understand why he said this. In one's mind, one is perpetually between 20-30 years old. Then you look in the mirror and there before you stands the desperate middle- aged woman you would see hanging out at the bar, reeking of desperation.

I was that woman!

Yet, the show must go on so once in the car I tried to input the address into the car's navigational system. Now, you have to understand that we just recently bought a new Prius. I used the system once before and it was a little confusing but I still managed it. This time, I was impatient and just thought I'd use my phone. Yes, a little risky but at least using it is a lot easier.

It took maybe 30-40 minutes to get from the Orange Curtain to Echo Park. Now, I was at the Echoplex months ago for the Smiths/Morrissey Night and I thought it was the same place so I parked my car near where I thought it was. I slipped on my heels and walked down to where I thought it was.

Okay, let me just say that although being a drag queen was my model, I looked like a street hooker-straight out! So, when a man driving a truck pulled up as I was walking and revved his engine while starring at me, I was thinking, "Thank God the club is right here. Get me in!"

Something seemed quite strange though. There was no Bowie music blaring, no lines, no kids hanging about. I found the club door and opened it not hearing a sound-like the ghost of a former popular club. Not seeing anyone at the moment, I thought I might find someone who could tell me where I was supposed to be. The door closed behind me.

Seeing how absolutely emtpy it was and knowing that there was a dumpster right next door, I thought it might be a better idea to just get out. So I opened the door after a bit of a struggle-otherwise I thought I might be trapped in there dressed like a street hooker.

I decided that it would probably wise to get back to the car and reassess the situation. So when I got to the street, my "John" was back again revving his engine. My heels got stuck when I was walking and part of the heel folded into the shoe making it rather difficult to walk. My potential customer seemed to be getting angry as he revved the engine again and peeled away.

I got so scared I took my heels off, tucked them under my arm like a running back clutching the winning Super bowl football and ran in my short dress to the car. I'm sure I was a humorous sight to behold.

I wasn't laughing.

Once safely in my car, I drove around a bit and saw a club with the correct street address and feeling like a complete lunatic idiot I made it to the Echo. I was still shaking as I emerged from the car and laughed to myself when a group of people chatting in the street stopped talking when I walked by. Obviously thinking they'd just seen a real Los Angeles street walker.

It made me want to yell from the rooftops, "I'm a teacher. I'm a respectable citizen , I swear! Don't hate me or be disgusted with me!"

Once I was safely in the club, the rest of the evening was fantastic! Not much to tell except that I danced a lot and made a complete ass of myself. The shot of tequila was a bad idea. But I had a really great time. And you know what? I don't regret it.

Now, if only Morrissey had been there . . .

How Soon is Now?

Jose Maldonado spinning and "reeling round the fountain"

There's a Club and You'd Like to Go

Sunday night I had this strange desire to go out. Perhaps I was inspired in the knowledge that Morrissey is in Los Angeles recovering from his ulcer and Barrett's Esophagus  Now, I have been married for nearly ten years and I can honestly say that during these ten years I have never really wished to go to a club. I love going to see bands, you probably know this (one particular singer as well), but I'm a late bloomer. I didn't even get married until the age of thirty-eight. Up until that time I went out every single weekend. So as far as clubs, it just doesn't usually appeal to me. However, I heard about a Smiths/Morrissey night at The Echo in Hollywood and I thought it might be a fun place for me to go. I mean, Jose Maldonado, who is the singer of The Smiths tribute band, Sweet and Tender Hooligans was the DJ. He also hosts the Indie103 radio show, Breakfast with The Smiths. Who better?

 I wanted dance to "Sing Your Life," which I kept playing over and over again in my mini van as I dropped kids off to school and swim practice. Even better, when at the club, I would be with other Morrissey fans rather than sarcastic kids rolling their eyes when I attach my iphone to the car speakers. "Morrissey? Again?"

The seed of attending began to sprout in my brain and I recalled an evening in which Roland and I tried to go to a bar where Jose was spinning records one night months ago and it was in downtown Los Angeles. I know, I probably watch too many crime shows and documentaries so Roland was not at all surprised at my observations about that part of town. It was seemingly desolate except for the club, and I noted that there were many convenient dumpsters in hidden alleyways. "Convenient" for dumping bodies.

I tweeted this fact to Jose and he suggested having security escort me from the parking lot if I was too fearful. You see, Roland has even less interest in clubs than I do and before I could even suggest it, he fell asleep.Therefore, I was devoid of a male escort. I wasn't sure if it was a great idea to go after all. I planned to leave at 10, giving me plenty of time to get to Hollywood from the OC.

You Can Meet Somebody Who . . .
There is the imaginary barrier dividing the the OC from Los Angeles which I call (and many others) the Orange Curtain. We (Orange County people) have realistic and unrealistic fears of "the big city." For example, once not too long ago I was sucked into a conversation with a man wearing a Spiderman costume showing me random pictures of dogs he encountered and  mumbled "Kill, kill, kill" under his breath. Its a little unsettling to most of us suburban dwellers.

I have also seen Jesus just outside the Comedy Club on Sunset and believe me, Jesus would not hang out in the OC!

So You Go
Since my husband was asleep and two of the kids, I figured no one would especially notice my departure, except Jovanny, who was very excited for me. So I put on some make up so it would look like I went to some trouble to get ready, but most clubs are dark caverns anyway, so I figured if I didn't look like a supermodel, no one would notice.

Having been brought up Catholic, and therefore born with a guilty conscience, I wrote a  note to Roland and stuck it to the bathroom mirror letting him know where I was when he woke up (if he were confused).

My note of guilty conscience

The ride to Los Angeles was joyous as it was empty and devoid of anyone except for me so I blared "Sing Your Life" and "My Love Life." I could have driven clear to San Francisco.

I discovered when I arrived that The Echo was not the scary, desolate place I had confused with the bar in downtown LA, so no security person was required as an escort.

And You Stand on Your Own

After I paid the $10 to get in, I ordered a drink and then wandered around. It was pretty large and  as I walked in Jose was playing "How Soon is Now," a little later he played "Sing Your Life" which had me on the dance floor. I got some photos of Jose and some of the patrons. I tried to find people who had tried to look like Morrissey and I found some but the pictures didn't come out so well since it was so dark and the flash is too strong. It tends to blind people.

Dancing to The Smiths

Lounging Smiths/Morrissey Fans

I felt kind of shy so I didn't particularly speak to anyone. I also knew that I'd be leaving soon. If I had a group of friends there, I might stay longer but I did not have the energy to meet people for the first time. 

But there were quite a few people on the dance floor and the music was of course, great since it was music I love. Jose interspersed Morrissey and Smiths songs with other great 80s (and perhaps some 90s) music-like Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life." Jose doesn't just spin records, he also dances which is fun to watch as it reminds me of spinning records in my own living room when no one was home as a teenager. Honestly, I don't get out much so if every DJ dances around, then I suppose I should not be surprised.

I wanted my picture with a Morrissey cut out but the people in charge would not let me take a picture with my own camera. So they offered to take a picture of me with the 2 dimensional Morrissey but I have no idea how the picture came out or where it may appear some day.

More spinning

And You Leave on Your Own
After getting enough pictures, I left. It takes about 35 minutes on the freeway to get home with no traffic.

I know it sounds anti-climatic and boring if you are a night owl to be home by 12:30, but I had a good time and I would definitely go again, but I would bring a friend or else be in a more outgoing mood. Sometimes I worry that being out going could be confused with flirting and that might be embarrassing for someone.

And You Go Home
When I arrived the house was dark and Roland was still asleep in his clothes with his contacts in as I had left him-obviously he had never even wakened!

Jose Maldonado is the host of Breakfast with The Smiths which airs Sunday mornings and Wednesday mornings on Indie 103. He also spins records occasionally in clubs like The Echo in the LA area. If you have the chance to see The Sweet and Tender Hooligans you should go, they are amazing and its always a good night out!!