Mystery Moz Specs

Morrissey wearing mystery specs

I woke up Saturday morning with a pair of glasses in a glass case on my night table. It is very mysterious because we don't know where they came from. They are not my husband's because before we were married he had the same glasses that he'd been prescribed back in 1995 from on optometrist on the High Street in Newport, IOW. In fact his nephew, Ben (who is now 19 or so) had bent them completely apart when he was a toddler and I had stepped on them a few times getting out  of bed before he was ready to part with them. Those were the last pair of glasses he owned before his current pair--and they were beyond keeping.

I thought, perhaps, they were Jovanny's. When he and Miguel became part of our family a little over a year ago he had lost his prescription glasses. We always thought he'd left them at his last home or that his former caretaker (who wasn't the best) hid them or took them out of spite. But when I found these specs, I theorized that these were his long-lost glasses. 

But Jovanny said they are not his.

The only other person who wears glasses is me. And I know they aren't mine. 


The only clue is the optometrist's name and address on the glass case. It is in Corona, CA. I honestly don't know anyone from Corona.  

I know there must  be some reasonable explanation for these mysterious specs, but I can't think of one.

They look a bit like Morrissey's glasses from the 80s. Don't you think?

My unreasonable theory is that I have such vivid Morrissey dreams that, he left his glasses on my night table once my dream had ended.

He has a lot to answer for!

My Evening With Russell Brand--Kind Of

The rose for Russell

On Monday night I went with my "other half" to Hollywood to see Russell Brand. My mother graciously offered to babysit and even though it was a school night we knew we had a sweet deal. We checked out the venue- The Central Comedy Stage at the Hudson Theater and learned that there were only ninety-nine seats.

My Mission Impossible

I spoke to Mr. Rat before we went and asked if I should wear a rose or something. He suggested bringing a white or a red rose and present it to Russell telling him it was from the Morrisseyworlders. I thought this was a brilliant idea and was quite happy to set out upon my mission.

I have always envisioned the worst case scenario in life. I have lived long enough to realize that one should not count on anything happening the way you want it to because it never does. My worst case scenario in this incident was that I would not be able to give Russell the rose. Or that I would not be able to speak to him in order to give him our message.

That was when I thought of the idea of attaching a tag with a written message just in case I had to just throw it on the stage or something. So with my son, Jovanny's help, we made a tag for the rose with the following message: "With love from Morrisseyworlders at the Twitterdilly Arms. Your messenger, @awillo9658" Of course I hoped to speak to him, but if not, he would get the message and perhaps even tweet me a 'Thanks.'

                                                     The Journey

One of the nice things about the journey to LA without children in tow is listening to music. On the way to there, we listened to The Milk Carton Kids, which is an acoustic duo from LA we saw back in September at McCabe's in Santa Monica. They are kind of somber in tone, but when we saw them live, they were hilarious. 


Below is a video of The Milk Carton Kids singing Permanent.  Great lyrics.

Jesus, Spider man and Rasputin

I always see interesting religious figures (Jesus) or superheroes (Spiderman at a bus stop in Santa Monica) when I leave behind the Orange Curtain and enter the "dangerous" territory of Los Angeles. This time I saw Rasputin at a bus stop on Santa Monica Boulevard looking quite serious-as he should. I know I need a better camera. And I need to have it primed and ready for shooting the unusual so I might share.

The Show

We learned soon after arriving that  Russell was performing for so low a price and such an odd night and in such a small venue because he is going to have his own television show and was practicing the format. What a treat we had. How lucky to be one of the 99 people.

I made sure we sat close to the front so we actually were in the second row. The venue was so small it felt like the theater at school when we have a staff meeting. It was intimate which was wonderful but at the same time scary for a shy person like me trying to find a way to present a rose to a very not shy performer. It was so small that had an audience member had to relieve him or herself, they would have had to cross right in front of Russell to get to the loo.


Nobody went to the restroom for the entire hour and a half.

Of course he was hilarious. He began by reading an excerpt from an article from the Daily Mail claiming that their sole aim is to create bigotry in the minds of their readers. So he went on reading about a vampire who fell in love with a cannibal in Sweden. I can't possibly retell any jokes because I don't recall them specifically and part of the joke lies in the delivery. He is just funny in his demeanor so I can't recreate that. 

I loved when he made fun of the name Grand Old Party (GOP-Republicans) for several reasons. I won't tell you what those reasons are so as not to offend anyone. The name 'Grand Old Party' really does sound like it should be said or sung by Al Jolson.

Several people have asked if he made any references to his ex. He did in a most subtle way. He spoke about how some people are soooo boring that you just can't believe you are listening to them. He then said sarcastically, "That's never happened to me, of course." But everyone knew he was talking about Katy Perry. He then said that he was sure there were journalists in the house. He seemed rather tired of it.

I wanted to ask him if he gets tired of being funny. I mean, he must feel pressured to be funny all the time. It has to be tiring. Even being naturally funny. Doesn't he just want to not HAVE to be funny?

The Rose with Many (figurative)Thorns

I have to admit that during the entire performance I had moments when I just wondered when and how I was going to give him this rose. I could have jumped up and said, "Hello Mr. Brand. I have a rose for you." But it was his performance and I did not want to ruin it for him or the audience.It also would have been really awkward. There was a little voice inside telling me to wait. That the best time would be when the audience was clapping. I could just walk up and hand it to him. 

So I waited and towards the end he wandered around the audience and talked to people and I was dying to give him the rose but truthfully scared shitless that he would try to engage in conversation and I just knew my brain would freeze up and I would turn into a blithering idiot. I would turn into one of those boring people he spoke of-like Katy Perry!

The end finally came and we applauded and I held up the rose very close to him but he did not see it most likely because of the lighting. So I immediately followed him close to back stage. Roland said, "That's a shame." And I thought, "I am NOT leaving here without giving him this rose." So a stage hand or sound man said, "Oh. Did you want to give that to Russell? I'll give it to him if you like." I thanked him and left with Roland. 


Disappointed?
I kept kicking myself for not being more assertive but to be honest, it just isn't me. Despite the fact that I am a teacher, I am kind of shy. I was truthfully afraid to speak to him. So afraid of the thought, in fact, that I noticed I was shaking as we exited. 


I was so disappointed for my Twitterdilly friends I seriously considered lying and just saying, "Yeah. Gave him the rose. Gave me a cuddle. He's awesome." But I hate lying unnecessarily. I have faith that the Twitterdilly Arms will still accept me.


I never received a thank you from Russell (not too surprised) but I feel in my heart that he received the rose. I received a tweet from a Sherrie Brand from Manhattan Beach CA mentioning the event to me specifically. I don't know if she is a relation to Russell, a dedicated fan, or a fan who happens (coincidentally) to have his surname. In any event she retweeted my comment that my face hurt and I had to chip away dried tears of laughter on the way home--all very true!

It Was So Lonely on a Limb

Yarmouth Pier IOW Calender

Take Me Anywhere

I have included a photo of my calendar because last night I had a virtual meeting with fellow Twitterdillians (although I just waved, really) at Yarmouth Pier to say good-bye to Mr. Rat's blog, which we really did not need to say good-bye to because he has decided to keep writing the blog anyway. We were told to wear blue roses and light candles. We did.

I then went to my kitchen and noticed our IOW calendar was still on January, so I flipped it over and there before me was Yarmouth Pier. It was kind of odd.

At last count, we have 4,659 followers on @Morrisseysworld. When I say 'we' I just mean those involved in the effort to drum up more followers. Hopefully we get to read those tour diaries soonish. 


We felt so lonely without Rat for a whole 24 hours.


Superbowl or Super Sex Education Sunday

Today is the big American football game-the Superbowl. All it means to me is food, beer and  commercials. I have a problem with sports that don't have constant action. American football has so many fits and starts, I just lose interest and I begin to eat more or drink more beer. 


Its a drag for Jovanny (15 years old) because Roland and I enrolled him in a sex education class through our church. Its not one of those churches that tells you to abstain and he isn't going to make a virginity pledge or go through some strange ceremony, etc. We are Unitarians and Unitarians are religiously not religious. We are religious enough, I suppose, not to cancel a sex education  class on the day of the Superbowl.


Anyway, its an eight week course. Honestly, I think he'll be able to tell us things we didn't know. 


He has complained a lot about it and its one of those things that a parent makes their kids do even though the kids don't really want to do it. It may be lame, it may be dorky but we can only hope that he will learn things we may miss in our little "chats." For us, the "chats" don't happen if someone doesn't ask a question. I'm not embarrassed but I am embarrassed to bring up the subject randomly.


Although Jovanny  has no interest in football either, I feel kind of guilty that while we are watching the game eating corn chips and dip and sipping our drinks, he may be looking at slides, discussing human sexuality, feeling slightly awkward perhaps.


(By the way, he has given me permission to write this as long as I drum up some sympathy for him.)


Clearly I have turned into the parent no one ever wanted to be. I never realized how lonely it would be until I got here.


I wonder if Morrissey's parents had "the chat" with him. I kind of doubt it. I imagine it was a very Catholic approach, which in my own experience, is basically no approach. Everything is bad and will make you die.

Morrissey sex quote:
“I’d like to free the world of sex stereotypes. I am interested in sex and genders. I consider myself a sort of prophet of the fourth sex. The third sex has been tried out, but it failed. I want something different. I’m bored with women and men.” 


There are better Moz quotes on the subject but without my copy of Mozopedia I am seemingly at a loss.


Before he left, Jovanny asked if he could get a soda and some snacks at the AMPM shop when they have a break. I gave him five bucks and as happy as Larry, he smiled wistfully and said, "I don't mind now."

A Jumped Up Pantry Girl

I know its Monday. I don't write a blog during the week due to family and work. But this is kind of an emergency.


This "emergency" centers around the Morrissey parody blog : Morrisseysworld.blogspot.. If you have not read this hilarious blog and you love Morrissey, you will probably find this site very amusing. Even if you don't really know much about Moz, you can appreciate the wit and cleverness of the author.


I know that I have mentioned the "controversy" in this blog regarding the true identity of the person writing the Morrisseysworld blog. There are a group of us that believe that the author is Morrissey. 


But not all Moz fans are alike. Kind of like in Hogwarts of Harry Potter, you have different "schools" based on your personalities. There are the Twidderdillians (I like to think we are like Gryffindor) and then you have your Mozarmy people (Hufflepuff) and you may even have your So-Lo people (definitely Slytherin). Therefore we do not approach things in the same way, I guess.


Bear in mind that I am new to this whole fan thing in the first place!


Back to Morrisseysworld blog: @MorrisseysWorld followers received a tweet saying the following: "Thank you to my 4568 little tweeting followers. Next stop: world domination. Retweet and I'll post my tour diary when I reach 5000." 


The tour diaries of 'Our Mozzer's' North American tour have been long-awaited. It means a great deal to those of us who have been reading the blog. Some think its simply a ploy-a cruel trick. Others don't give a rat's.


Now, I do not adhere to the notion that you must believe MW is Morrissey in order to follow @Morrisseysworld. But why should you?


1. If you love Moz, what do you have to lose? Even if it is an impostor, surely Morrissey would be aware of the love for him even if it were misguided. 
2. Don't you think-for Morrissey-this would be an amazing marketing tool? I mean, if you officially state that you are not a person or affiliated with a particular person, you are not responsible if something goes "wrong."
3. This keeps interest up. It keeps up the excitement. 
4. He has even stated in a song that he is human. C'mon. He is not a Luddite, I am sure. 


Would you be embarrassed to follow @Morrisseysworld on twitter if it turns out to be a hoax? 


 If it turns out to be a hoax, so what? It is stated on the profile that its a parody anyway. You can just laugh with your friends and say, "Yeah. I knew it all along. Ha. Ha. Ha" in a superior fashion.


I have not retweeted @Morrisseysworld yet. I am not sure there is a point. I have a laughable number of followers and all of them already follow MW. 


I made a deal with Jovanny (my oldest son) today. He followed MW on the condition that I follow Lady Gaga. Then he retweeted and several of his friends are now following MW.


But don't dismiss this little jumped up pantry girl with 24 followers! I know a slew of teenagers. And teenagers are the masters of social networking. Most of my teenagers are Latino as well. And we all know that Latinos love Morrissey. 


Let's see if we don't get 5000 followers by Christmas! Ha! At the time of this writing MW has 4,601 followers. Just a few more to reach our goal.




Note: Just to allay any confusion, I hereby state that I do believe the site known as MorrisseysWorld.blogspot and the Twitter account @Morrisseysworld are the real Morrissey.

Well, I Wonder

Me circa 1995 when I started teaching and still had one foot out the door.  

Being an artist is the noblest thing one can do: finding beauty and meaning where none exist. Art is a sublime delusion. MorrisseysWorld via Twitter


My friend Rafe recently sent me this picture he took when we shared a flat. He's an excellent photographer so we messed around a bit with photos during that time. But it made me think about the fact that it was taken pretty close to the time when I began my career as a teacher.


I Hoarsely Cry, Why . . .
It's amazing that I stayed in the profession after my first two weeks of teaching in a rough neighborhood in Los Angeles. My second week of work I had a fight in my classroom with two middle school girls both taller than me-I am 5'10"-and a drive by shooting. All on the same day!

Although I no longer teach under those conditions, teaching is a sensitive subject. I have avoided writing much about it for various reasons. One, its kind of boring. Two, there are numerous frustrations associated with it. Three, its dangerous in that teachers have lost jobs over what they put out there in the cyber world. Do I need to list numbers four through ten?


Gasping But Somehow Still Alive
I, like perhaps many other people on this planet, long to join the nobility of creators. Teaching does allow you to create. The teacher is the writer, the producer the actor the bouncer and sometimes even their own audience. And yeah, the audience is quite literally "captive." 


More about the audience: try finding a more critical and discerning group of people than teenagers. 


However, most of the time it is not art.


I will be brutally honest and say that teaching is not my passion. I am passionate about teaching. But I'd rather be writing. I've always had one foot out the door.


I admire those artists who were willing to starve themselves rather than settle for a more secure occupation. Patti Smith is one.I read her memoir  Just Kids during the summer A great book called Pan and another called Hunger in which the author, Knut Hamson, describes in great detail the sacrifices a true artist makes to pursue his or her craft puts into perspective the heroics of holding fast to your dreams.


I just wonder if we all strive for more? Is it just a few of us? Are there people in the world who long to be accountants or customer service representatives in their wildest dreams?


As I spend more and more time in the Twitterdilly Arms with my kindred souls, do they feel a longing? Are we reaching out for Morrissey's hand or lapel because it represents the greatness that we could not attain? By holding onto them are we vicariously "great."?


Please Keep Me in Mind
I would venture to say that in all likelihood, the Twitterdillians are a talented group. I don't know what each of their passions are.  In fact, for all I know they could already be doing what they are passionate about.


Mr. Rat at http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.com/ has written a parody that is quite entertaining and of course if you like poetry and literature you will want to check out
biblioecubyan.wordpress.com-also created by a Twitterdillian.


But by the mere fact that they appreciate art through Moz, then I know that they must be able to recognize true art elsewhere as well. I think, too, they dream of more.

Those Wonderful People Out There in the Dark

Twitterdilly Arms
I am one of "those wonderful people out there in the dark." In the darkness I found an island. It's a pub called The Twitterdilly Arms.

After all my whinging last week in my blog about being unlovable on Twitter, I received a message from a kindred spirit. On Twitter! From a Mr. Rat who writes a blog that you should read if you haven't already and if you want to read a blog that REALLY is about Morrissey. Its called Following the Mozziah: http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.com. I highly recommend it. Anyway, he informed me that contrary to what I thought, my blog has been seen and perhaps read by Morrissey people.

And when I mentioned the bit about the fake Moz being so witty like the real one-he told me that it really IS him. In fact, if you read his blog from start to finish, you see that there is a strong argument for it being the real Morrissey.

Much to my surprise, MorrisseysWorld retweeted my blog last week too.

Because I don't really update people on things that are happening in the world of Morrissey, you probably don't know exactly what I am talking about. Let me explain: There is a blog called Morrisseysworld or something like it, and Morrissey has come out three times on his website True-to-You.net claiming that it is not really him. The dreaded three times as in Simon Peter denying Jesus three times perhaps? Methinks he protests too much.

The mere fact that he has come out and thereby drawn attention to a relatively unknown blog perhaps reveals that the announcement was purposely made to draw attention to it. Again, a better, more full account is available on Mr. Rat's blog.

True to You
True to You is a neglected web magazine for fans of Morrissey. Its like a garden overgrown with weeds from 2004 or 2007. It has some great things on it, it just hasn't been updated apart from the weekly or biweekly statements Morrissey makes. Which I have to say brighten my day when they come out.

I strongly feel that so much more could be done with it.

Back to the Arms
So what do you do in a virtual pub based around Morrissey? You theorize, commiserate, listen to awesome music and videos from YouTube based around the man himself. You share with all the other people in the "pub."

So, I am still not in the quad but I am instead part of a cooler group outside of the quad. I feel pretty damn popular.

Can I even begin to tell you the divine feeling I get from communicating with other people out there who like Morrissey as much as I do or even more? I am not alone in my need to check True to You and Facebook pages dedicated to Morrissey. There are other people totally approachable who share my obsession. There are people who see what I see in him.

I'm not really so strange then.

So Low
There is an unofficial Morrissey website called Morrissey So-Lo, and you would have thought that that might be a place for the other non quad dwellers to find a home. But the few times I have been there were just a waste of time. People are not very kind to each other for various reasons. Some people have this unsaid competition about who is more the Morrissey fan than the other and then start mud slinging so to speak. Its also not monitored well so people can say unkind things about Morrissey just to infuriate another person and it gets quite ugly. A hostile environment does not suit my personality.

In contrast, the Twitterdilly Arms is friendly and warm. I mean, just think of the name. Arms. Arms hug you and welcome you. And the word Twitterdilly just sounds kind of silly. Laughter. Twittering about being silly. Nothing hostile in that.

So in between teaching classes and toting kids around I have been tweeting. Believe it or not. I know now when I wake up in the middle of the night due to insomnia, I have people. Its safe being one of the wonderful  people out here in the dark.

Friends of the Friendless
The following scene from I Love Lucy accurately depicts my feelings at discovering my awesome new group of friends.

Unloveable (On Twitter)

You Don't Have to Tell Me
No one loves me on Twitter.

I do not tell you this out of  a need to evoke sympathy. Perhaps I should be pat on the back-I'm not quite sure.

Admittedly, I am newish to the world of Twitter and all it's seeming "delights". I have 7 followers and follow 31 people. By looking at other more "successful" twitterers, I have come to the conclusion that the hugely popular people have more followers than they follow.

It's just like high school. I am again relegated to eating lunch outside the theater instead of the quad with all the popular kids.

I Don't Have Much in My Life 
From what I have observed with my limited time exploring the world of Twitter, it seems that if you write something particularly amusing or shocking you get attention by people retweeting or sending your message or status further out into the cyber landscape so your words can be admired or laughed at. Those words will essentially live on.

I, perhaps somewhat bitterly, am not capable of shocking or funny quips to interest people. Can I just say in my defense that I haven't even tried?

Ironically, it seems that if you have the time to spend on Twitter, you do not have time to spend doing things that make your life interesting enough to post on your status.

Again, like high school-its not that the popular people ARE popular. Its just that they think they are and they occupy the quad uncontested.

So Take It It's Yours
If you are famous, you pretty much can tweet that you are making a bowl of cereal and then you will be retweeted and  receive loads of replies-lots of attention.

I'm not joking.

Message Received Loud and Clear 
So, I am pretty much ignored. But at the same time, I do not feel motivated to do much about it.

I confess that I follow Boy George, who tweets fairly often. And I sent him a couple of replies, but what am I supposed to say about his porridge breakfast, or his pictures of attractive naked or near naked men? What can I, a mere English teacher of 46 years, have to say that would interest him enough to reply or even take notice?  Do I care?

Morrissey does not appear to have a real Twitter account. There is the fake Mozzer. He/She is pretty funny. I mean, the Mozzer at least has sharp quips-not completely unlike the real one.

I kind of prefer to think of the real Morrissey as re-reading a classic novel like Crime and Punishment anyway.

Hell, I'm not even noticed by MozArmy or Morrissey followers. But its probably because I don't write much about him.

I peek in at the "quad" filled with Morrissey followers every now and again. Then wonder why I was not invited, but turn away and go back to my lunch outside the theater.

I Wear Black on the Outside Because Black is How I Feel on the Inside
Basically, Twitter is not for those with low self image.

It will probably make you feel pretty badly about yourself if you take it seriously.


I think back to my time as a waitress. My limited time. I was the world's worse waitress. I move way too slowly and I am not that interested in other people's needs or comfort. So I sucked. I forgot to bring mustard or napkins or extra ketchup and had to force myself to walk with any kind of urgency when customers had a limited break. I lost every waitressing job I ever had.

Just on a side note: the only place I was ever a waitress was in Dublin in the early 90s, I think they had high expectations of my American work ethic.

But after feeling like complete shit, I had to laugh to myself. Is it the end of the world to be the World's Worst Waitress?

Is it the end of the world that I am no one on Twitter? Or in the cyber world at all?

Nah. I'd rather reread Crime and Punishment anyway.