A Jumped Up Pantry Girl

I know its Monday. I don't write a blog during the week due to family and work. But this is kind of an emergency.


This "emergency" centers around the Morrissey parody blog : Morrisseysworld.blogspot.. If you have not read this hilarious blog and you love Morrissey, you will probably find this site very amusing. Even if you don't really know much about Moz, you can appreciate the wit and cleverness of the author.


I know that I have mentioned the "controversy" in this blog regarding the true identity of the person writing the Morrisseysworld blog. There are a group of us that believe that the author is Morrissey. 


But not all Moz fans are alike. Kind of like in Hogwarts of Harry Potter, you have different "schools" based on your personalities. There are the Twidderdillians (I like to think we are like Gryffindor) and then you have your Mozarmy people (Hufflepuff) and you may even have your So-Lo people (definitely Slytherin). Therefore we do not approach things in the same way, I guess.


Bear in mind that I am new to this whole fan thing in the first place!


Back to Morrisseysworld blog: @MorrisseysWorld followers received a tweet saying the following: "Thank you to my 4568 little tweeting followers. Next stop: world domination. Retweet and I'll post my tour diary when I reach 5000." 


The tour diaries of 'Our Mozzer's' North American tour have been long-awaited. It means a great deal to those of us who have been reading the blog. Some think its simply a ploy-a cruel trick. Others don't give a rat's.


Now, I do not adhere to the notion that you must believe MW is Morrissey in order to follow @Morrisseysworld. But why should you?


1. If you love Moz, what do you have to lose? Even if it is an impostor, surely Morrissey would be aware of the love for him even if it were misguided. 
2. Don't you think-for Morrissey-this would be an amazing marketing tool? I mean, if you officially state that you are not a person or affiliated with a particular person, you are not responsible if something goes "wrong."
3. This keeps interest up. It keeps up the excitement. 
4. He has even stated in a song that he is human. C'mon. He is not a Luddite, I am sure. 


Would you be embarrassed to follow @Morrisseysworld on twitter if it turns out to be a hoax? 


 If it turns out to be a hoax, so what? It is stated on the profile that its a parody anyway. You can just laugh with your friends and say, "Yeah. I knew it all along. Ha. Ha. Ha" in a superior fashion.


I have not retweeted @Morrisseysworld yet. I am not sure there is a point. I have a laughable number of followers and all of them already follow MW. 


I made a deal with Jovanny (my oldest son) today. He followed MW on the condition that I follow Lady Gaga. Then he retweeted and several of his friends are now following MW.


But don't dismiss this little jumped up pantry girl with 24 followers! I know a slew of teenagers. And teenagers are the masters of social networking. Most of my teenagers are Latino as well. And we all know that Latinos love Morrissey. 


Let's see if we don't get 5000 followers by Christmas! Ha! At the time of this writing MW has 4,601 followers. Just a few more to reach our goal.




Note: Just to allay any confusion, I hereby state that I do believe the site known as MorrisseysWorld.blogspot and the Twitter account @Morrisseysworld are the real Morrissey.

Unloveable (On Twitter)

You Don't Have to Tell Me
No one loves me on Twitter.

I do not tell you this out of  a need to evoke sympathy. Perhaps I should be pat on the back-I'm not quite sure.

Admittedly, I am newish to the world of Twitter and all it's seeming "delights". I have 7 followers and follow 31 people. By looking at other more "successful" twitterers, I have come to the conclusion that the hugely popular people have more followers than they follow.

It's just like high school. I am again relegated to eating lunch outside the theater instead of the quad with all the popular kids.

I Don't Have Much in My Life 
From what I have observed with my limited time exploring the world of Twitter, it seems that if you write something particularly amusing or shocking you get attention by people retweeting or sending your message or status further out into the cyber landscape so your words can be admired or laughed at. Those words will essentially live on.

I, perhaps somewhat bitterly, am not capable of shocking or funny quips to interest people. Can I just say in my defense that I haven't even tried?

Ironically, it seems that if you have the time to spend on Twitter, you do not have time to spend doing things that make your life interesting enough to post on your status.

Again, like high school-its not that the popular people ARE popular. Its just that they think they are and they occupy the quad uncontested.

So Take It It's Yours
If you are famous, you pretty much can tweet that you are making a bowl of cereal and then you will be retweeted and  receive loads of replies-lots of attention.

I'm not joking.

Message Received Loud and Clear 
So, I am pretty much ignored. But at the same time, I do not feel motivated to do much about it.

I confess that I follow Boy George, who tweets fairly often. And I sent him a couple of replies, but what am I supposed to say about his porridge breakfast, or his pictures of attractive naked or near naked men? What can I, a mere English teacher of 46 years, have to say that would interest him enough to reply or even take notice?  Do I care?

Morrissey does not appear to have a real Twitter account. There is the fake Mozzer. He/She is pretty funny. I mean, the Mozzer at least has sharp quips-not completely unlike the real one.

I kind of prefer to think of the real Morrissey as re-reading a classic novel like Crime and Punishment anyway.

Hell, I'm not even noticed by MozArmy or Morrissey followers. But its probably because I don't write much about him.

I peek in at the "quad" filled with Morrissey followers every now and again. Then wonder why I was not invited, but turn away and go back to my lunch outside the theater.

I Wear Black on the Outside Because Black is How I Feel on the Inside
Basically, Twitter is not for those with low self image.

It will probably make you feel pretty badly about yourself if you take it seriously.


I think back to my time as a waitress. My limited time. I was the world's worse waitress. I move way too slowly and I am not that interested in other people's needs or comfort. So I sucked. I forgot to bring mustard or napkins or extra ketchup and had to force myself to walk with any kind of urgency when customers had a limited break. I lost every waitressing job I ever had.

Just on a side note: the only place I was ever a waitress was in Dublin in the early 90s, I think they had high expectations of my American work ethic.

But after feeling like complete shit, I had to laugh to myself. Is it the end of the world to be the World's Worst Waitress?

Is it the end of the world that I am no one on Twitter? Or in the cyber world at all?

Nah. I'd rather reread Crime and Punishment anyway.